This is an article about personal growth and relationships, both platonic and romantic: You will learn how to get more of the love you want, while accepting more of the love you already have.
“Love is Divine, and so are we.”
“By letting others love us, we let them have the gift of love. Let others love you.
“Love is union. Love is giving and receiving at the same time—as we give we receive. Let others have the gift of love, by letting them love you now!
“You are important, most important! Everyone is important in the design of life. The design of life is beautiful; you get to peek at it every time you are involved in love.”
From “Lessons in Love,” pp 225-226
Get the Love You Want with a New Approach:
When we think of love, and its value in Personal Development, we often think about how WE can be more loving, compassionate and kind? How about a different approach, something new?
To Improve the Love in Your Life Today, Try this:
- Be selfish, for a change.
- Think about YOURSELF—what you need and want?
- Understand “the norm of reciprocity”: the secret to great relationships.
- Place more people in your life who love you.
- Let the people, already in your life, love you more.
- Learn the 5 Steps for getting the love you want.
How to Find People Who Love You:
Find people who love you, people who smile at the sight of you. They exist. They are out in the world, similar to you and waiting for someone to love. The need to love is as great as the need to be loved; they are inseparable. Look for someone who loves you, someone YOU love too.
Do you have people in your life who like you, people who like who you are and know you well? Do you like your friends? Maybe, maybe not? Few friends are perfect, and few relationships are ideal. But we can have in mind the type of person and friend we want.
We need an ideal of our own to guide our efforts as we make attractions and bring new friends into our life. Think about yourself for a change, about who you are and what you want? Find someone who loves you and likes you. Find someone you also like.
The Secret to Great Relationships: “The Norm of Reciprocity”
The “norm” of reciprocity… WOW, what’s that? Is it the guy in the bar at “Cheers”? Well… we all liked Norm, but the norm of reciprocity refers to a relationship where two people are giving equally to each other. When I give something to you, you give me something in return. It can be a kind word, a hug or a smile. A REAL relationship has two people giving equally over time.
A business relationship works the same as friendship or love. “What, that sounds awful”! Well, think about it? In a business relationship, I give you something, and you give me something back—it’s called commerce. In a love relationship, I give you my love and attention—you give me love and attention. The presence of reciprocity is how you know you are in a relationship.
How does that sound? What are your relationships like? Are you getting what you give? Is it love? Maybe, maybe not? Think about it? Are you getting what you give? Do you WANT something back?
Come out from Hiding, and Accept the Love You Have:
It is sometimes easy to hide in a relationship where the other person does NOT give back to you. There is no threat; things are easy to predict. But it’s not equal. Of course there are times, in the best of relationships, where things are not equal: you have to sacrifice, that’s life. We all have tough times where we are not as able to give as we would like. But that’s not what I am talking about.
- Are you hiding in a relationship where you are the only one giving?
- Is there something more you need and want?
How to Get More Love, when You Want It:
To fix a relationship you may need to give the situation a chance, telling your friend or partner what you want. Be patient. Work at changing things first. See what happens? Or get out of the relationship. It is up to you?
Sometimes we hide in situation where we are the ones giving most. This avoids intimacy. We can hide from our insecurities and wounds, and feel protected. But true intimacy cannot happen, and satisfaction may be limited.
Sometimes it is difficult and threatening to be loved. Are you ready for a change? Are you interested in improving your life? Think about how to let someone love you more, how to let someone into your life?
5 Steps to Getting the Love You Want:
- Tell your friends what you want.
- Listen to others with sincerity and calm.
- Give voice to what you want to do!
- Speak about how you feel.
- Share yourself more: thoughts, feelings, fears and hopes.
Make changes; try these five steps. Read my book, “Lessons in Love.” Do something different; ask for what you want. Be more of who you are. Stand up for yourself, but don’t be a bully. Practice kindness and love, ask for this in return. Practice the norm of reciprocity: Be comfortable receiving, and give back something of equal or greater value. Offer your love, your kindness, your hope… Do this again and again. Results will come with practice. You will get what you want, and love will grow.
